Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
