It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
