Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think my vagina is haunted
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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