Already got asked if we're dating
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
