She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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