I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
