Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
