I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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