And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
