Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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