the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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