help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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