haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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