heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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