Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we're so committed to being not committed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
