he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
