Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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