my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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