I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
