Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
