one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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