is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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