I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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