Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
try to milk me bitch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
