I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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