he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
birth control should be required to get into college
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
