so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
