and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize