i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
