We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Help. Why am I so naked?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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