When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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