There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
