she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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