Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
