so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
