Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
