Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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