I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
