im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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