I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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