I wish I only lived at night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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