i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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