What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
