I wish I only lived at night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
