So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
