Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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