You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
