Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
