You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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