I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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