My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize