I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
