no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
