can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
