So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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