she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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