You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
