the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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