I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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