I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
