never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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