I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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