somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize