Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
